This year has brought so much soul searching and self-reflection. I deeply want to live an authentic life, but you really can’t do that until you know yourself. And I think that’s one of the greatest gifts of 2020, time with myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my demons, my soul, my spirit, my body my mind and my breath.
I decided to just share this, why not? None of us are sure how long we have on this world, so let’s make our wishes known! I wrote this a while ago, and kept rescheduling every month when I didn’t die in the pandemic (Ha! Yes, I’m that crazy).
Since I’m writing it, I’ll write in first person. I wanted to check in on my life and see how someone would write about my life now… and if I should change anything …
Find out who you are, and then do it on purpose! – Dolly Parton
I tried to remember everything and be thoughtful, but often times too many things were going on inside my head, and I forgot to ask about your new dog, project at work or your sick mother. The only thing in life I regret is not being a better listener, being distracted and not fully living in the moment, even though I tried to do this, I know I could have done better … and I will continue to work on this as long as I live …
Important lessons I have learned:
- Whenever possible, eat breakfast (or your favorite food) for dinner.
- Always say yes to a cup of coffee/tea (alone or together).
- Have a never-ending list of inspirational/exciting/engaging books and podcasts to listen to and read.
- The key to happiness is to count your blessings, be grateful for what you already have, don’t keep wishing for more.
- Say yes to new adventures, be an explorer of life, take the trip, go to the concert, go outside no matter the weather, LIVE …
- Grief and Sadness are just proof we are all connected in ways we cannot begin to understand.
I seem to be on an infinite quest for a nap, which never happens…besides being perpetually tired…I have had (and continue to have) a really good life.
I suffered from chronic anemia and fatigue, and although remembered to medicate everyone else in the family (including the dog), I somehow forgot to take my own iron …
But I tried to be kind, caring, compassionate and truthful.
I lived my life with integrity, sharing the gifts and blessings I have, with those less fortunate. Working hard and contributing to my community the best I knew how.
I wrote down, dreamed big, and achieved many personal goals. And inspired and cheered on others to do the same. I believe in the power of the written word. I believe dreams come true one dimension at a time, think, write, do.
I tried new things, extreme busyness, saying NO and protecting my time. I tried to prioritize friendships by staying up late to do grad school homework so I could attend bunco, or making sure the weekly volleyball game made it on my calendar, even when I was working 70-hours a week. I worked through difficult seasons of friendships, marriage, parenthood and relatives … I teetered on the edge of depression and mostly fought off the loneliness. I battled minor health issues (my own and my family). I took a stand against minor and major injustices at work and in our community, on behalf of myself, my friends and co-workers. I gave my all to my family and friends. Every night when my head hit my pillow, there wasn’t a drop left inside of me that wasn’t used on helping, giving, learning or dreaming.
I was grateful, thoughtful, observant.
I was (and am!) always up for an adventure (Mundelein playground crawl (22 parks in one day), sleeping in a treehouse, etc), or a long deep conversation over a drink or two.
I tried to let love guide my life whenever possible.
“Live a life of human heliotropism. Be the true self that seeks the light, winding and growing towards realization, pressing against the window pane of consciousness. “ Sue Monk Kidd
When I sat still safe at home during the coronavirus, I spent countless hours pondering who I am. I realized that you can’t live an authentic life if you don’t know who you really are. All of my meandering thoughts and writing projects have clarified and proven the connectedness of all things. I have labels of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc. But who I really am, and who I really tried to be is LIGHT, LOVE, PEACE and GROWTH. And I know my light, love, and peace will live on even when my physical body can’t function here on Earth anymore.
Love one another.
Know that I loved you!
Read this life changing book if you would like to be inspired — The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
Watch the You Tube Video “You should want a physicist to speak at your funeral”
Watch this episode of Forces of Nature. Everything/one is still out there somewhere in space-time. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07kxdr9
Every word they said whispers through the air forever. Every atom which for a while made up your sister (mom, friend), carries on in the air, or fits into a plant or bird. Every touch on your skin lives on in the neurons of your brain. Most of the atoms which make us up were born in a star. That light exists in us all.
P.S. please make sure my children read my kindle book, I wrote it for them.
I want to be cremated and become part of the water on Earth — water is the ink that writes the poetry of life (A. Cousteau). So scatter me in the water I’ll keep writing …
And when you see a beautiful sunrise or sunset, just take a few deep breathes and notice it. And if it suites, think of me.
The Lefty Writer 