I sink into the freshly drawn water and I deeply exhale for what feels like the first time in months!
The hum of the jets drowns out the downstairs tv, video games and life happening around me. The forceful water pummels my muscles.
The water is so hot it has the power of a post-workout.
The warmth envelopes me like a comforting hug, saying
You’re safe now
I’ve got you
Right now you’re enough; just as you are, scarred, bruised and imperfect
The skylight above is blanketed in fluffy snow and darkens the room. The only light is the four corners of candles lit especially for this 30 minute retreat.
I have been in mtgs since 6:30am, I barely had time to make myself toast for lunch. I realize I haven’t even changed out of my pjs, put on deodorant or a bra.
This bath became special because I turned it into something special.
What can you make a ritual out of that you already do? Instead of always wanting more … how can you celebrate your life today?
Have you written a mission and/or vision statement for your life, or for your day? I think it’s a productive step towards living an authentic life. I want to know which direction I hope to be going, and keep aligning myself with those goals.
Here is my first draft:
I wake up intentionally, knowing today’s sunrise will bring me hope.
I am an abundance of love, light and peace.
I choose kindness every day. Even when it’s hard.
Emotions are my compass.
I am solar-powered.
Truth is my North Star.
I follow my fascination and curate the energy around me to allow me to be informed and inspired.
I live authentically and recognize the connectedness of all things.
I cultivate curiosity.
I work to transform my suffering, so I don’t transmit it.
I am bold and brave.
I am my first love. I just wanted to be friends with my body.
Life is a constant celebration.
Whether I am going through a break-up, break-through or break-down, I am not broken!
I am a garden of growth. Blooming in strength, emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually …
I inhale dreams and exhale hope.
Each night, I lay my head on my pillow with peace in my heart.
Hi There! Just here taking a few moments to realize I’m a speck of dust, floating on a sunbeam in the vastness of space. While I’m here on Earth…I just wanted to say I’m grateful for so much…this was a hard, emotional, tough, really long week, this first week of 2021. So I’m making an effort to stay grounded and grateful.
my gratitude list is long: *hugs from my 14-year old (and my 18-year old when he’s home from college!) *health care workers going in every day during a global pandemic trying to save lives *documentaries about dolphins & people like Sylvia Earle and David Attenborough *kind people who make the world better and brighter *the smell of candles, lotion, cookies baking in the oven *warm blankets and fireplaces *clean water *a fridge full of groceries *higher education for myself, my husband, my son(s) *hiking, and a body that is able to move *sunrises and sunsets *hot showers *music, books, photographs, art *the internet: answers, questions, recipes, connecting with friends, photographs and stories of places you haven’t been able to visit; it’s all at the tip of our fingers *flip flop tans, the sound of ocean waves, the salty air and sand between your toes *changing seasons and weather, but the sound of birds all year long *late night comedians who share information, but also create a much needed laugh *inventions like SCUBA equipment, space ships, bridges and vaccines *of course my health, home and job *and dreams, hope, love …
Count your blessings today and every day. Sometimes they are hard to find, at least for me, but there is always at least one thing/person/memory/future event … What are you thankful for today? If you’re having trouble thinking of something right now – take a nap or go to bed, at least that sometimes works for me, my mind is always clearer after some rest. So rest. And be grateful.
I have gratitude for this year. No anger. No hostility. No regrets. No more sadness.
I got to live on Earth for a little bit longer, and that’s what I’m grateful for. Life is short, I certainly don’t want to “forget 2020” or hurry up because “2021 can’t come soon enough.” It’ll be more of the same, which has become alright with me. I mean sure I have grieved my “old normal” life, and had the full range of emotions all year, just like all of us. I miss connecting in person. I’m infuriated for the depth of racial injustice we are still enduring. But overall, I’m okay with taking it slow, wearing masks and putting public health and all human rights on the top of our priorities. I love my children and husband, I’m grateful for my job and my home, and I’m honestly fine with “more of the same” for a bit longer if we need to … I am content in this weird new space.
Here are some favorite memories I’d like to document and tell the universe I’m grateful for:
*polar plunging into Lake Michigan to start the year *experienced the Lion King Sandburg musical *planned a successful Leap Day PTO fundraiser *watched #2 serve a volleyball at my husband’s school *cheered for #1’s indoor track season (and saw #1 dressed as a mattress! Ha) *saw the 10,000 maniacs at the City Winery (great date night!) *soaked up Big Head Todd @ The Vic *sipped coffee on the FRIENDS COUCH *enjoyed #2’s Star Wars trumpet solo *participated in the citizen’s police academy and went on a ride along in a police car *patronized a bunch of fun new local small business coffee shops *eavesdropped on #2 talking to Emmitt Smith and asking him a fun question *decorated, honked and cheered loudly at #1’s HS graduation parade *felt all the feels watching SGN and virtual prom *got to sit next to #1 on virtual signing day for the cross country team *planted new trees and flowers *made multiple posters and side walk chalk art for friends celebrations *soaked in a hot tub *swam in a pool *received a beautiful handmade Adirondack bench from my 3 boys *laid in a hammock *gave a bunch of free sub-par haircuts *got a new pet fish MARSHMALLOW *enjoyed s’mores by a bonfire *marched for Black Lives *enjoyed many cold beverages at a picnic bench with friends in the sun *went paddle-boarding!! ❤️ *went for a bike ride to see all the public art STARS with both of my children *worked on “remodeling” the garage *buried my feet in the sand *swam in Lake Michigan *went mask shopping (something I never knew I needed to do) *operated a hydraulic log splitter for the first time *sang along at a Garth Brooks Drive-In Concert *played at 5 different dog parks *rode on a boat and floated in a lake *cheered for #2 playing lacrosse, baseball, flag football, golf and running cross country *got lost in a maze of sunflowers *attended an outdoor Bat Mitzvah and brought the bouquet to an outdoor Wedding *multiple food trucks came to our neighborhood and my mouth watered! *meditated over 200 times *had lunch with #2 (so many more times than I would have if he wasn’t e-learning and I wasn’t working from home) *savored my first Tony Cannoli shake *celebrated 20-years of marriage by ordering takeout from the place where we first met *moved #1 into his dorm *played weekly volleyball with friends *bought a new dryer *voted twice (primary & general) *saw my sister get married!!! *appreciated many fun artist dates including self-publishing my 4th kindle book, photo adventures, photobooks, mural tour, writing, painting outside by the lake & a creating a fun homemade Christmas present journal *read over 200 books *listened to countless inspiring podcasts *went hiking through gorgeous forests *baked pumpkin seeds, cookies & bread *started a new-way-better-less-abusive-less-traumatic job in March, AND I get to wear yoga pants and a pony tail almost everyday, and my commute has been headache-free & I’m super thankful to still be employed.
A word is a melodic sound. A sound is a vibration. Vibrational tones create an energy that penetrates into your spirit, your soul, your heart.
This year, every time I see the word SUN in a book or observe a sunbeam shining down, I shall pause and be grateful.
Sunlight draws me in like gravity, it attracts my deep attention like love and time. The sun is my teacher. I will start each day with a sun salutation yoga stretch and meditation. I will thrive on a plant-based diet nourished by the sun.
I will patiently witness sunrises and sunsets, as everything is transient. We are all only here for such a short while. Our jobs, relationships, homes, and Earthly lives are all temporary. Watching a sunrise or sunset with your complete attention is prayerful, peaceful, meditative, restful, regenerative, musical, an act of love. It’s like having one foot on Earth and one in Heaven. You are mindfully present, but somehow open to the vastness of the universe.
sun is a word you can use as any part of grammar … like skunk. a skunk can be a noun defining an animal a verb describing why the dog smells terrible after being skunked or simply the smell we attribute to certain skunky beer.
I am a sun-chaser, like some people chase tornados, I chase sunrises and sunsets. I am solar-powered. I live a life of heliotropism: just pointing myself towards the SUN. I wake up early to collect sunrises in my heart and in my soul. I harness the sun’s energy, spirit and brightness. I borrow brilliance from the SUN and it makes me SHINE. The sun illuminates my brain, body, soul, spirit, I need the sunlight to survive. There lies the energy, warmth, glow, joy, majesty I crave.
Sunrises are the universes way to gift wrap this special day for you & me! I am always grateful for a new day, and it’s always a brilliant start when you rise before and intentionally watch the sunrise.
In the words of Cleo Wade “I find what I am looking for in the outside world by embodying it within me”. And that’s why SUN is my one little word; next year, if I can’t be the sun, I shall at least reflect the sunlight.
May every sunrise bring you hope; and every sunset bring you peace; this year and always. ❤
I can’t think of the word soar or soaring without including birds, flying, gliding along on the wind, equal parts careless and courageous.
I gifted a homemade journal to some girlfriends this Christmas and one of the prompts was “soar” and that’s really the only topic I assigned to them, that I haven’t explored myself this year… so here we are…
“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” ― Erin Hanson
soaring is explained perfectly in my favorite song:
smell the sea and feel the sky…let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic …
such a beautiful place to be, soaring free in the sky, appreciating the collective beauty, seeing fully that we are all connected, what is good for you must be good for me. one planet. soaring through space. together.
soar into the new year friends! Feel the sky. I wish you a safe and happy flight.
as we are living through a global pandemic, I want to be practical and have this post ready … if I should leave you too soon… here is what I hope you remember …
I love you with my whole heart. Read that again and again and again. I really mean it. My love for you is so huge and deep, even the ocean is jealous.
The opposite of death is birth, but life and love goes on (read that one again too).
When you are overwhelmed or don’t know how to go on, say to yourself “I choose love” over and over and follow the path that feels like love, love for yourself mostly, but love for the important people around you.
My goal in life was (is) to be an abundance of love, light and peace.
Remember that whatever follows I AM comes looking for you, so don’t say things you don’t want to be true. (Saying I am exhausted, I am broke … leads to the universe bringing you those things!).
Read through my blog & books if you miss me, and maybe you’ll see a part of me in yourself or at least learn more about me. I want to share my whole self with you.
I don’t believe in the “power of prayer” necessarily, but I believe everything in life is an energy exchange. And if you send thoughts of kindness or help or gratitude, the universe has a way of honoring that.
Emotions are a compass, listen to them. Don’t ignore them, don’t numb them with alcohol or drugs or shopping or video games or busyness. Don’t lie to yourself. Do NOT break promises you make to yourself, especially first thing in the morning (ie. don’t hit snooze!). What is mentionable is manageable, so talk to someone (anyone!) about your feelings!
Set goals, personal & professional, bucket lists … and crush them! And then keep reaching higher.
Remember that money is a tool, not a goal. Use your time, energy and money to create the world you want to live in.
Fill your life with laughter, books/new ideas and sunshine.
Follow what fascinates you. Read, watch movies, listen to podcasts, have conversations about whatever makes you curious. Spend time getting to know yourself so you can live an authentic life.
Always surround yourself with life; people you love, nature, plants, animals.
Value human connection over efficiencies. Spend time interacting in person, as much as possible.
I wish you always to be filled with peace, love and light. And I know you will spread it throughout the entire universe. I love you always.
This year has brought so much soul searching and self-reflection. I deeply want to live an authentic life, but you really can’t do that until you know yourself. And I think that’s one of the greatest gifts of 2020, time with myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my demons, my soul, my spirit, my body my mind and my breath.
I decided to just share this, why not? None of us are sure how long we have on this world, so let’s make our wishes known! I wrote this a while ago, and kept rescheduling every month when I didn’t die in the pandemic (Ha! Yes, I’m that crazy).
Since I’m writing it, I’ll write in first person. I wanted to check in on my life and see how someone would write about my life now… and if I should change anything …
Find out who you are, and then do it on purpose! – Dolly Parton
I tried to remember everything and be thoughtful, but often times too many things were going on inside my head, and I forgot to ask about your new dog, project at work or your sick mother. The only thing in life I regret is not being a better listener, being distracted and not fully living in the moment, even though I tried to do this, I know I could have done better … and I will continue to work on this as long as I live …
Important lessons I have learned:
Whenever possible, eat breakfast (or your favorite food) for dinner.
Always say yes to a cup of coffee/tea (alone or together).
Have a never-ending list of inspirational/exciting/engaging books and podcasts to listen to and read.
The key to happiness is to count your blessings, be grateful for what you already have, don’t keep wishing for more.
Say yes to new adventures, be an explorer of life, take the trip, go to the concert, go outside no matter the weather, LIVE …
Grief and Sadness are just proof we are all connected in ways we cannot begin to understand.
I seem to be on an infinite quest for a nap, which never happens…besides being perpetually tired…I have had (and continue to have) a really good life.
I suffered from chronic anemia and fatigue, and although remembered to medicate everyone else in the family (including the dog), I somehow forgot to take my own iron …
But I tried to be kind, caring, compassionate and truthful.
I lived my life with integrity, sharing the gifts and blessings I have, with those less fortunate. Working hard and contributing to my community the best I knew how.
I wrote down, dreamed big, and achieved many personal goals. And inspired and cheered on others to do the same. I believe in the power of the written word. I believe dreams come true one dimension at a time, think, write, do.
I tried new things, extreme busyness, saying NO and protecting my time. I tried to prioritize friendships by staying up late to do grad school homework so I could attend bunco, or making sure the weekly volleyball game made it on my calendar, even when I was working 70-hours a week. I worked through difficult seasons of friendships, marriage, parenthood and relatives … I teetered on the edge of depression and mostly fought off the loneliness. I battled minor health issues (my own and my family). I took a stand against minor and major injustices at work and in our community, on behalf of myself, my friends and co-workers. I gave my all to my family and friends. Every night when my head hit my pillow, there wasn’t a drop left inside of me that wasn’t used on helping, giving, learning or dreaming.
I was grateful, thoughtful, observant.
I was (and am!) always up for an adventure (Mundelein playground crawl (22 parks in one day), sleeping in a treehouse, etc), or a long deep conversation over a drink or two.
I tried to let love guide my life whenever possible.
“Live a life of human heliotropism. Be the true self that seeks the light, winding and growing towards realization, pressing against the window pane of consciousness. “ Sue Monk Kidd
When I sat still safe at home during the coronavirus, I spent countless hours pondering who I am. I realized that you can’t live an authentic life if you don’t know who you really are. All of my meandering thoughts and writing projects have clarified and proven the connectedness of all things. I have labels of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc. But who I really am, and who I really tried to be is LIGHT, LOVE, PEACE and GROWTH. And I know my light, love, and peace will live on even when my physical body can’t function here on Earth anymore.
words to live by: Be Kind. Be Brave. Be Curious.
Love one another.
Know that I loved you!
Read this life changing book if you would like to be inspired — The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
Watch the You Tube Video “You should want a physicist to speak at your funeral”
Every word they said whispers through the air forever. Every atom which for a while made up your sister (mom, friend), carries on in the air, or fits into a plant or bird. Every touch on your skin lives on in the neurons of your brain. Most of the atoms which make us up were born in a star. That light exists in us all.
P.S. please make sure my children read my kindle book, I wrote it for them.
I want to be cremated and become part of the water on Earth — water is the ink that writes the poetry of life (A. Cousteau). So scatter me in the water I’ll keep writing …
And when you see a beautiful sunrise or sunset, just take a few deep breathes and notice it. And if it suites, think of me.
Affecting Cultural, Environmental, Spiritual, Emotional and Existential aspects of life
I feel this profound sense of urgency right now, while I’m pandemicing. To say and write and create everything! As if the world is rolling the credits.
Do you feel this way too? I oscillate hourly between crying uncontrollably, happily reading a book, screaming into the oblivion, running away as far as my body can take me, crawling under the covers, or just cozily laying on the couch with blankets, my family and a great movie. I equally want to run around hugging everyone, but also never leave my house or talk to anyone ever again.
It’s Unrest. Uncomfortable. Unknown.
I do have hope though. It’s raw hope; which has crystallized the experience of feeling more than just one emotion at the same time.
Thank goodness there is a vaccine! There really is an end to this, in less than a year probably! How amazing is that? Again, I’m back to the credits rolling. Am I using this precious time wisely enough? I want to know exactly when the finish line is as I operate with a sense of urgency. But I also don’t want to live a life with no goals, dreams, projects in process, so what’s the rush?
Pandemicing impacts yourself, your family, your work, your habits, your dreams, your goals, your everything.
So…Be kind. Be brave. Be curious. But especially while Pandemicing, be gentle.
We are all going through hard time, but it looks different for all of us as we worry about what the future holds, grieve, feel isolated, homesick, mentally and physically drained, trying to hold it together, or struggling to make the holidays (or a son’s birthday) magical.
I’m a planner so I’m actually grateful to know 2021 will start out pandemicing. I feel more prepared than March of 2020.
It’s less scary. More sad. But less overwhelming. Especially since there is a vaccine that we should all be able to receive by the end of 2021!!
What a promising year, with a new leader who will listen to science and truth and communicate effectively to keep us all safe and healthy.
The Lefty Writer 