my hopes & dreams for 2024

question of the year | if all your dreams came true, would they just change you? Or would they change the world?

1. End the year not recovering from surgery (cyst in 2021, cyst & d&c in 2022, head staples, cyst, hysterectomy in 2023, cyst, mammograms, skin biopsy, 2024)

2. More art! More creating! Art says slow down … breath, pay attention, mindful, be free 🆓 and open (flower 💐 delivery day, candle class x2, Tammie’s art show longing …,) art is a container you pour yourself into …

3. Work-Life Balance and Boundaries (in the absence of remote work, reorgs…) Got an office in April and a Promo in June. Bought myself a painting from Shakespeare the Chicken 🐔 and pig 🐷! Software project launched 11/11.

4. More movement & meditation 🧘 🥾

5. No gambling, no alcohol 🚫🍺 💦

6. Wegovy / Diet (June) 💉

7. First trip to RISE (June 8, Sept 13) 🍭

8. How has my word of the year shown up? “feel free to feel free” meditation 1000th 💕

9. As of July 21, voting for a woman for president for the second time in my life.

✔️ Michael’s track meets 🏃‍♂️

✔️ Michael MSOE Graduation 👨‍🎓

✔️ College Visits with Finn 📚

✔️ Finn & Sabryn cross country meets 🏃

✔️ Michael & Sabryn 💍 💕

✔️ New Years Card ”kids all grown”18 🎄

Ryan state series & Coach of the year

Michael’s wisdom 🦷 Bounce 🐈‍⬛ graduation 👨‍🎓 and grad school 🏫 new job 💵 first car 🚙

Finn’s Running 🏃(sportsmanship award), College, 📖 driving stick 🚗

Sabryn 💍 🏠 🏃‍♀️

Me – 3 surgeries ❤️‍🩹 💐 📚 🧘 🍊 🧖‍♀️ 💻

all our children are 18 now ….

It’s bizarre feeling; I have all the feels this week, holidays, sandy hook anniversary, remembering Taylor while we golfed and celebrated.

Bursting with pride for all of my children’s accomplishments and goals (personal, professional, school, running, career!)

Planning a wedding for our first born and his beautiful, brilliant bride.

Looking ahead to next summer/fall when we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, 50th birthdays, Michael’s wedding and Finn’s college move in.

The hopeful possibility of finally focusing on me, losing weight, meditating, yoga, reading …. Finding work-life balance, after 28 years of trying. yoga, art, walking, meditation, reading

But also the crushing disappointment that my children’s childhoods are over and I spent them pleasing my parents and in-laws (but even worse than that, TRYING to please them and failing). We never had our own family traditions, we just marched on and “kept the peace” and didn’t ruffle feathers and “went with the flow” and retracted all of our feelings and suggestions to make a life we’d be proud of, that didn’t revolve around materialistic presents for the sake of shopping.  

Pride in our parenting, I know a lot of our wonderful life is luck, but I also really did give it my all. I read and studied and learned everything I could about each stage. I saved money to provide for them. I taught and shared important values. I put our children first, ahead of my career, ahead of my personal goals, ahead of my health sometimes (I’m learning to fix that.) They’re a good blend of both of us, smart, witty, sporty, kind. I’m very grateful, proud and amazed at how wonderful our children are.

Happy 18th birthday Finnegan, you’re the best of us. Keep being brave and adventurous. Keep dreaming big. Keep laughing and don’t let the harsh critics crush your spirit.

Your childhood was my motherhood and it was fabulous. I never took it for granted. I loved being a mom. I still do. It was difficult, exhausting and overwhelming, but it was so worth it. I know it’s not really “over” but I do feel like all of my children becoming adults is a significant milestone… it’s a new era. I hope you and Michael always want us around, but we’ve raised you to not need us around too much anymore. 

Wishing you every happiness this birthday and forever. I love you with my whole heart. 

Thiago is going to be so adorable in his new clothes! I love secret angel-tree giving! That was fun!! ❤️🎄☃️💚

Have you read Untamed by Glennon Doyle? The prologue is everything. 

I shall name my fear Tabitha and give her everything that worries and scares me. 

Something’s off about my life, I feel restless and frustrated, like everything should be more beautiful than this. I want to run and hunt and kill. I want to sleep under an ink black silent sky filled with stars. But I should be grateful, I have a good enough life here ….

Taylor, Tabitha and I can handle anything life throws our way!

We aren’t crazy, we are goddamn cheetahs!

🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆🐆

1. There are two places called “Hyatt Regency”.  🏨
2. Houston drivers don’t stop for pedestrians. 🚘
3. Every corner has their own unique homeless person. 🚙
4. The whole city smells like urine and weed. 🍃
5. It was tough being in a “red state” during these cabinet announcements, I’m having a very visceral reaction. 📺
6. I made my own glimmers of hope x3  and snuck out for a Christmas cup from Starbucks & quick walk to the Water Wall public art feature & reading by the pool before I left for the airport. ❤️

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. I’ve tried to leave behind love and fun. And share with others when I found awe and wonder. And I hope that’s enough. Soak it all in!! Get out there and breathe! Find and appreciate the connectedness of all things. ❤️

Nothing lasts forever, but some things last long enough to know that they were important 💗

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom filled room

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not for long

And not with your head bowed low

Remember the love that once we shared

Miss me, but let me go. 

For this is a journey we all must take

And each must go alone.

It’s all part of the master plan

A step on the road to home. 

When you are lonely and sick at heart

Go to the friends we know.

Laugh at all the things we used to do

Miss me, but let me go ..

Christina Rosetti ✨

Please take care of yourself as you dare to take on caring for all Americans and earn your well deserved promotion from VP to President-elect.

You have my full support, my vote and I am sending you my love. I can’t wait to see you crush your new role as POTUS.

I deeply appreciate your hard work, past experience, and excellent VP choice. I have listened to dozens of interviews with Tim Walz and Doug Emhoff. You continue to surround yourself with kind, curious, intelligent and brave people, and I believe in my heart you will continue to do the same.

Please ignore the drama and noise being stirred up by Americans with hate in their heart. There are much more of us that love one another, don’t stop believing in the good in us.

I can’t imagine how hard these past few months have been and I just wanted to say THANK YOU!

Thinking of you these next 9 1/2 days and sending you the strength, inspiration, support and kindness.

My vote will continue on the path of love. Thanks for being our leader on the right path.

When I make my election choices, I will continue to choose love.

Choosing love to me means supporting public health (insurance for all, supporting and sharing clear communication from scientists on how to manage pandemics and disease).

Choosing love means caring for our planet.

Choosing love means helping and supporting others (making sure the most vulnerable populations are protected, funding mental health programs, legislation for gun control, finding social security, welfare, unemployment, homeless shelters, education, supporting all choices around body autonomy and who you can marry).

Choosing love means practicing kindness (kindness towards all people, especially people different from us, different in gender, skin color, ability, different in any way, our differences make the world beautiful).

Choosing love means approving referendums for schools and libraries.

Choosing love means choosing peace, not war.

Please voters…. objectively research your candidates, understand what you are choosing and align with candidates that reflect your values.

I think the mystery of the human experience is that those who believe in something don’t need any proof. And for those who don’t, no amount of objective evidence and proof will ever be enough. This is true for Aliens, Ghosts, God, Cults (Trump). 

It doesn’t matter what you say; it matters what you do? Who did you vote for? How do you live your life? What choices are you making to further society and help your fellow neighbor? 

I believe in love.

I watched 📺 Stop the Steal on HBO MAX today and it’s so frightening….

It can be magical, especially if you focus on light and beauty and color. 

Stop and breathe. 

Appreciate the awe. 

🍁🍃🍂🍁🍃🍂🍁🍃🍂🍁🍃🍂🍁🍃🍂🍁🍃

And appreciate that everything is different. Be curious. Look at things up close to see the beauty. You can’t hate something when you look up close. Even the trees that have lost all their leaves already are beautiful in shape and structure. They support life for insects and birds and squirrels … 

Have you ever seen a fish jumping out of the water for no apparent reason? I always get so excited, because I see it as such good luck 🍀.

I know I’ll only see jumping fish when I stop and pause. Not if I’m hurrying, walking or running by.

Being lucky enough to catch a glimpse of a fish jumping means I had a moment to pause and breathe. Which in and of itself [a deep breath] is a gift. 🎁

The crazy part is that I never even try to photograph jumping fish. I just know it’s a message for just me. A simple message to make me smile, and let me know that everything is going to be ok.

This evening I had a wonderful walk, and I stopped at my special rock, took a few moments for myself, and felt lighter, leaving my troubles behind.

Thanks universe – these troubles are yours now. I can let go, just like the autumn leaves, and it’s beautiful. 🍂🍁

I’ve had friends that told me yellow cars were their messengers …. What is your secret universe message? I’d love to hear it!